#BookevinReads History is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera

History is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera
Publisher: Soho Teen (17th Jan 2017)

Blurb:
When Griffin’s first love and ex-boyfriend, Theo, dies in a drowning accident, his universe implodes. Even though Theo had moved to California for college and started seeing Jackson, Griffin never doubted Theo would come back to him when the time was right. But now, the future he’s been imagining for himself has gone far off course.

To make things worse, the only person who truly understands his heartache is Jackson. But no matter how much they open up to each other, Griffin’s downward spiral continues. He’s losing himself in his obsessive compulsions and destructive choices, and the secrets he’s been keeping are tearing him apart.

If Griffin is ever to rebuild his future, he must first confront his history, every last heartbreaking piece in the puzzle of his life.

Rating: 4/5

I’d like to thank Penguin Random House International for sending me a copy of History is All You Left Me for review.

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When I read Adam Silvera’s incredibly raw and powerful debut novel, More Happy than Not, I didn’t expect it to leave me with such a meaningful blow. Which is why I was a happy duck when I received a copy of his latest book, History is All You Left Me, all the while knowing that I’d be ruined by another one of his gut-wrenching books.

“People are complicated puzzles, always trying to piece together a complete picture, but sometimes we get it wrong and sometimes we’re left unfinished. Sometimes that’s for the best. Some pieces can’t be forced into a puzzle, or at least they shouldn’t be, because they won’t make sense.” 

Granted, I had high expectations for History is All You Left Me because I absolutely loved More Happy than Not. Question is, did it live up to my expectations? Yes and no. But, it did break my heart. So, thank you, Adam Silvera. Once again, you made my chilly little heart feel something.

“Every universe I’ve created lately, your face keeps popping up in it.”

History is All You Left Me is about a teenage boy, Griffin, who has recently lost his ex-boyfriend, Theo, who was more than just his boyfriend because Theo was Griffin’s best friend as well. But before Theo’s death, he and Griffin were no longer together. Couldn’t Griffin just accept that Theo was the one that got away? But love and feelings and emotions aren’t so simple, are they?

Adam Silvera’s latest book explores the themes of first love, friendship, sexuality, heartbreak, loss and acceptance. History is All You Left Me left me with a really throbbing ache in my heart. I really connected with Griffin and Theo because I was shipping them so hard. But I knew it was hopeless because Theo dies in the end, but still, it hurt. Like a mother.

“Time doesn’t heal all wounds. We both know that’s bullshit; it comes from people who have nothing comforting or original to say.” 

I was swooning so hard because the beginning of Griffin and Theo’s relationship was downright adorable and I had the strongest urge to cuddle someone while reading about it. But I had to settle for cuddling my plush panda named Ky. I couldn’t wipe off the grin etched on my face long after I’ve read the parts where Griffin and Theo were falling for each other.

“I was in love and love died and the pain you've left isn't pain I can see myself having the strength to face again.”

History is All You Left Me, an #OwnVoices novel, also tackles the issue of OCD as the author himself has OCD. I was actually surprised that the portrayal of OCD in History is All You Left Me was so raw and authentic, and it really opened my eyes to the internal battles and struggles an OCD person has to endure. Reading about Griffin’s—and also Adam’s—compulsions were exhausting but I am so glad that Adam Silvera didn’t shy away from something so real.